I’m not sure how long this post will stay up for, but it needs to be said. It’s not part of my usual repetoire, but it’s something I need to say and it’s this. It’s simply an observation or two, a bit of wisdom maybe, an admission and something significant to finish.
First, some wisdom
If someone ever tells you not to listen to them as ‘they have terrible judgement’. Take their word for it. No-one would make that stuff up. They will know from experience that they have got a number of things wrong and given people terrible advice. So listen to them, take their word for it as they have just told you they have terrible judgement.
Never do anything they advise you to do.
I’ve always felt people make judgements with the head rather than the heart. You decide what to do about things in your head but your heart will let you know how you feel about it. Some people are head people and some are heart people. I know something about this. The head deals with the logical, the heart with the emotional. What makes sense, in your head, may not necessarily be the right thing at all. I believe the head tells you what is right to do but the heart tells you what is right, for you. Sometimes it’s hard to know, or decide, or choose between your head and your heart. There is another place, inside your heart called your ‘heart of hearts’. This is where you know for sure, one way or another.
Everybody listens to the bit that works for them, that’s what makes people different. Are you a head or a heart person? I don’t know of many who are both. I’m certainly not one of them. I know which one I am.
Which brings me on to another bit of wisdom. About hearts
If you know something is wrong in ‘your heart of hearts’ and you do nothing about it, it will break your heart, one way or another, sooner or later.
Always have the courage of your own convictions or you will always be at the mercy of someone elses.
If you leave an unresolved situation, it is not an escape. You do not escape an unresolved situation, you flee it. The situation is still unresolved but you just fled. That is different to escaping. You escape from a prison or torment. No-one ever started an adventure by escaping something, they were just escaping. You look forward to an adventure not escape to one.
Whether flight or escape, whichever it is, or you call it, or are doing, both only end when you find safety. Do not confuse shelter with safety. Safety is when you feel secure, shelter is where you hide from something. What is safe is when you feel safe, not when someone else suggests you should. Being safe and secure makes you happy, gives you peace, which sounds great, but it’s not that simple, sadly. That is a whole other examination of a state of mind. That is not one I am going to undertake here.
Nearly the final bits of wisdom, almost but not quite there.
If you think nobody listens to a word you say, you are just saying the wrong thing to the wrong people. Say the right thing to the right people and they will listen intently.
Never do anything against your own will unless it is for the greater good. Never make an adult do something against their will as that is subjugation.
As an aside, but an important one; You can try to make children do things against what they think is their will only if you have convinced them of the sense of it. It’s better they don’t do things reluctantly because they must but instead do things willingly because they want to. Then it becomes their will as well. If you can’t get them to see the difference then there is no sense in it to the child. You’ve more parenting to do, you aren’t making sense yet. Remember you are forming a mind and moulding a character, but it does not have to be in your own image or to your own design, you are not God. Your job as parent is guidance, not judgement. Judgements will be made later on the merits of your guidance.
Neatly back to judgement and the final bit of wisdom.
Never do anything against your better judgement. You know what is right for you and your life. Trust your judgement. You will know what is right in your ‘heart of hearts’.
Most commonly, people who take an action against their better judgement will at some stage in later life, rue what ‘seemed like a good idea at the time’. You knew at the time it was a bad idea, hence the phrase is almost universally ironic, but rarely funny.
An admission and something significant
22 years ago rather than resolve a situation I had in New Zealand, I fled it. I thought I was escaping, I fled. I constantly sought shelter. But I never found safety, where I felt secure. So I was always unhappy. I made some calls and did some things I shouldn’t have done against my better judgement and as a result I didn’t do what I knew what was right in my ‘heart of hearts’. We know how that turns out.
There has been an awful lot of life in between then and now. But I have finally found the courage of my own convictions.
I know now what to do. I know where to go. I know what my better judgement tells me and I know how I feel about what comes next. I’m going back to New Zealand. I’m going to have an adventure and I’m looking forward to it. My adventure might just be the next stage of life, but it feels like an adventure. For the first time in as long as I can remember I am going forward to a positive future rather than enduring a change in circumstances against my own will, which is another result of the fallout from doing things a long time ago against my better judgement. I’m not going to do that anymore.
I’m going to go home to do the things I know I am a good at and want to do, rather than just doing what I don’t want to do, but do, because I am able. I am going to trust my better judgement and do what I know I am not just good at, but best at. I know this in my heart of hearts and that makes me happy.
Make sense? To me it does, perfect sense. This is why I am doing what I am doing, what I should have done years ago, but didn’t, against my better judgement.