The real reason there is rebellion in Libya?

It occurred to me when watching the news last night that we just have not been told the real reason for the mass insurrection in Libya.  The real reason is that they have been deprived access to television or film. Colonel mad bastard Gaddafi has not been letting his citizens watch movies or tele!! How do I know this? It’s obvious to me I don’t know why no one else has picked it up!

Look, all the fighters are men right? Men watch war and action films. Every little boy in the world with access to visual media knows how to go about playing war. We have seen dozens and dozens of war and action films with Bruce-Arnie Van Seagal (BAVS) skillfully shooting up the bad guys, by aiming at them.

We know from hours of footage of proper soldiers in battlefield situations, how you carry a weapon. You carry it at your shoulder pointing in the direction you are looking. Always pointing where you are looking so when you see the baddies you can shoot them straight away and not waste time bringing your weapon to bear. That is the time your enemy would have used to shoot you had you not already had your weapon pointing at him!  You do not have it on full automatic fire. You fire a single or pair of shots. You have to carry your own ammunition. When you run out of ammunition you will be far less likely to be in a position to use your weapon to defend yourself should you need to. So best not to use it all in one burst.  Simple.

We also know that the bad guys, be they terrorists, rebels, insurgents, gangsters,  gun runners, drug overlords foot soldiers and so on. Always, always shoot from the hip or hold their weapon above their head, sideways, on full automatic spraying fire all over Christendom and hitting bugger all. We know that BAVS can literally pick these clowns off at will without suffering a scratch.

We know this but clearly the Libyan rebels are strangers to this information. Otherwise they would know by looking around themselves that they are caricatures of the movie bad guy. They are the cannon fodder of a thousand shootem up movies since the dawn of the action flick. They would know had they seen even a couple of war films, that they would be a laughing-stock of any self-respecting gun-toting community. The poor old Libyan rebels clearly do not know or even think this, given the daily evidence of war fighting buffoonery and gun handling incompetence displayed on the television news.

One can only conclude, given what we are seeing, that these men have never seen an action or war film. Which can only be because they have no access to television or film. All men, who have access to TV and film, watch war films. We do it from the day we learn how to turn the TV on. So there you go. The Libyans are being deprived of visual media. I’m not sure it’s a good enough reason to start a whole war over but certainly would make you feel a little left out.

Categories: Politics, Rants

5 replies »

  1. One thing that always puzzles me is that it’s so dry in Libya. Given every cloud in the country is shot full of bullet holes, it should be pissing down all the time.

    • Oh! Havent you heard? Thats down to HAARP. Apparently the Americans are messing about with the climate as well in order to bugger up entire continents weather patterns to make it harder to grow rice for computer programmers to eat or something like that. There is an entire conspiracy world devoted to this. I believe it is run by people who also think the Royal Family are lizards and an illuminati are bent on picking the worlds pockets to keep them in Petrus and caviar, or something like that.

  2. The word “Christendom” is not right here, surely!

    And what the action movies never show is the guy with the wheelbarrow-yes, the one who follows the hero, with the wheelbarrow just brimming with ammo. On second thoughts. I think I’d back him in any fight-with all that strength he wouldn’t even need the gun.

    • Well of course I use Christendom as a turn of phrase as muslemdom just sounds silly and never caught on. I remember the classic of this Genre though, on your point about ammo. Arnie in ‘Commando’ running across a large compound with a belt fed machinegun. Holding the very large and heavy GPMG in one hand and the ammo belt in the other, as you do, shooting dozens of south american ratbags with his magic self renewing ammo belt. Thank you for stopping by, apologies for the less than serious intrusion into the Slogs very serious points on the current unpleasantness in Mesopotamia and its environs..

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