Twitter, it’s the name!

You know that Eureka moment? You may not have had one but you’ll know what it is. Sometimes you have an idea so amazing you just know the minute someone hears about it they will come straight round to your house with a truck load of money to buy it from you. Now we have the internet you can be busy doing your thing in your room and someone might see your YouTube or read your musings and want a part of the action. Look at that skinny teenager with the ridiculous haircut. Some music producer saw him and thought “Yes, this boy will make twelve-year-old girls brains explode and spend all their parents money on watching and hearing him”.

That Zuckerberg guy has made enough money to bail out Europe. He did this simply by getting people to tell  all about their lives out loud so he can sell this information to people who want to sell people things. Genius!

Then you have the Twitter thing. And here is my thing. My eureka moment. I am looking into how to open a Cayman islands bank account for when the bloke who made Twitter reads what is coming next. He is going to catch a plane to my house and demand I take a giant sum of money for making him a million times richer than he is.

I know what is wrong with Twitter and I know how to fix it.

Firstly I like Twitter. It enables me to find things out quickly, be sociable, amused and promote my blog. It makes me think creatively every day. But it has a fundamental flaw.

I don’t know much about the guy who invented twitter but just having a quick look at him on the internet, you can see he is in touch with his feminine side. He is probably creative and good with colours. He called Twitter, Twitter. That’s whats wrong with Twitter. The big reveal of my Eureka moment will follow.

If you are a girl breaking news of your engagement, Tweeting about it seems appropriate. Likewise if you are Steven Fry, sending an amusing Tweet about your latest thoughts works well.  If you are Kim Kardashian, Twitter could not be more appropriately named for your thoughts. Twitter is also a good name for a medium which that silly kid with the hair who hypnotises teenage girls can use to communicate with them. That’s the end of it though.

Now lets look at the other side. A news reader saying that “Famous footballer ex sent a tweet today, in support of his team-mate who collapsed on the pitch” sounds ridiculous. “Former Heavy Weight Boxing Champion Mike Tyson tweeted today about his life long battle with mental illness” sounds all wrong on every level. Mickey Rourke tweeted his support of the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup Final?  Stop it, its stupid. I could go on and on but I’m sure you get my drift.

Twitter is too feminine. Its lightweight and men feel silly even mentioning it. There are no blokes standing around rugby club rooms discussing the merits of their tweets. Guys in a bar or a gym do not have twitter conversations. Twitter is a stupid name for a brilliant thing. Branding is everything in the success of a product or service.

I know many people who think Twitter is rubbish, pointless. They think its full of people tweeting about what they have for supper or what they saw in the street. There are many who do, yes. But saying you won’t do something because you don’t want to hear what a minority of people think or say is to deny yourself a whole world of information. There are many interesting and amusing people to follow to drown out the people who post pictures of a meal. The great thing about Twitter is that it is the epitome of Free Speech. You can Tweet what you like to a degree. This means we can readily identify the idiots walking among us. That is the real beauty of Free Speech. But If you say things offensive or hateful, you’ll suffer the backlash. You decide.

So. The Eureka moment. Twitter is a stupid name, thought up by a guy who wasnt thinking of half the population when he named it. The men. There are men on twitter of course but it could be so much more. So many more if it was called………


Think about it. Air Burst is all things to all people but guys will totally get it. Air Burst is a type of Artillery shell or missile that explodes in the air before it hits the ground. Men love that stuff. It is also a nice attractive firework with lots of sparkles and pretty colours for the girls. It can be a burst of air for those who are even more delicate of mind and don’t like loud noise or prefer vegetarian food and herbal tea.

An Air Burst becomes what a Tweet was but with an epic rather than a wet name.

Now think how you could use it

You could ‘Air a Burst‘ of information rather than Tweeting. If you are not ranting, just having a view, you could ‘Air’ it  If it is ranty, you could ‘burst‘ it’

Look, News reader says “President Obama Aired today his views on coming second in the election to a Mormon who believes the Garden of Eden was in Missouri”

“UN Head Ban Kee Moon Aired a Burst at Syrian Tyrant Bashar Assad today”

“Ronaldo Aired a Burst about Drogba being a big girls blouse too keen to have a lie down on the pitch instead of focussing on his game”

Rhianna Aired the news of her new single “I take my clothes off” today

Think of it. Everywhere the effeminate Tweet title works, it works even better as an Air Burst or Burst or Air. ‘Tweet’ is just too redolent of pottering about with colours and interior design, making things with string and fabric. Air Burst, Burst of Air is by some margin more palatable for guys. Men will come to twitter in their millions to do some Bursting. They don’t want to Tweet. This will transform the fortunes and lives of the people who run Twitter over night.

I’m happy with US Dollars or Gold Bullion. I’d also like a nice Island and a Jet.

I look forward to hearing from you

10 replies »

  1. Spot on Sandy. How could a man admit to tweeting? It’s like telling your mates that, after completing all levels of nightclasses in flower-arranging, you have just signed-up for a foundation course in homeopathy. I really like this Air Burst idea. I can see it now. ” Roger delivered a particularly loud Air Burst, last night, after a takeaway chicken vindaloo with tarka dhal accompaniment”.

  2. See, thats the thread here, my wife said the same thing. But I was honestly thinking Artillery and fireworks. But now all of you are going down the bum chuff route. I can see how people are thinking.

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